Happy Birthday Cowboy
by Blue Tears
Summary: Spike's birthday and Faye is the only one that remembers, but when she asks Ed to help her make the cake things go wrong and somehow our darling cowboy and shrew end up hammered in a bar. S/F


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Happy Birthday Cowboy 

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AN: Hey Blue Tears here decided on a whim to write this cause it's Spike babies' birthday. This is an attempted humor but probably will come out whatever way it comes out. I'm sorry if you don't like it…….I tried and I'm probably gonna write this in hmmm maybe an hour so I'm just gonna start cause nobody reads theses anyways. I'm not to good with writing Ed's dialogue, I'm sorry. GO JUNE BIRHTDAYS!!!! 

** Started: June 26th 2003 at 9: 49 pm **

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. 

** Faye's POV **

     I got up early to get all the ingredients, too early than what that lunkhead deserved. I don't know really why I did it, laps in judgment maybe, but I did and I even made the fatal naïve mistake of enlisting Ed to help me. 

     I baked him a cake. It was even fully loaded with chocolate frosting, or it was going be. 

     "Ed! **No, no, no**! Use your hands like a _normal girl_!" Ed sat on the ground clutching the large silver mixing bowl with curled tan toes. The plastic white spatula was held in the gap between her big toe and her second. She was stirring the batter that _I_ had slaved over for an hour with her feet! 

     "Faye-Faye Ed _likes_ to use her feeeeet!" Ed yelled throwing the bowl up and catching it with her feet. My eyes widened watching the batter fly out of the bowl and splatter back in. 

     '_Oh god._' I sighed pulling a cigarette out of the already half empty open carton that sat on the flour covered counter. Cutlery and other batter splattered utensils and spoons were strewn across the counter in the wake of both Ed and me. I put the cigarette in my lips and let it hang there as I leaned on the counter greasing the rusted metal cake pan with one hand. I lit up, using the stove's flame. 

     Ed finished stirring the goopy cake batter. She stood up from the ground shaking several eggshells from her orange hair and handing the bowl to me. I took it from her, still leaning on the counter, and poured the contents into the cake pan. Some of the excess batter spilled over the sides onto the already filthy butcher block. I knew in the back of my mind there would be hell to pay when Jet woke up, which would be soon. I picked up the pan as Ed opened the pre-heated oven. I shoved the pan in blowing a plume of toxic smoke into the open oven. I kicked it closed with my foot as I set the timer for a half an hour, just so I could check on it. 

     "Now we wait." I told Ed picking a few lingering eggshells out of her hair. I flicked some ashes from my cigarette into an open beer can as I heard movement in the hall closest to the kitchen. 

     "What _are_ you doing?" I spun around hearing Jet's gruff voice as I blocked the oven with my body instinctively. 

     "Nothing." I said sharply taking another drag of my cigarette. Ed looked up at me confused. I gave her a warning look, but I think comprehending what a secret is and how to keep one is beyond Ed's mental capacity. 

     "Faye-Faye wanted to bake-bake a cake-cake for Spike-person. Ed is helping too!!" Ed said in a singsong fashion. She was apparently fascinated by the way bake and cake sounded together. Just like the way she was so taken with my name that she always feels compelled to say it twice. 

     "Why?" Jet asked raising an eyebrow at me. I closed my eyes trying to pretend like I didn't really care all that much that it was Spike's birthday and that I was the only one on the ship that had remembered. Well probably except for Spike. 

     "It's his birthday, that's all." I took the cigarette from my lips and snubbed it out on the beer can and dropped it inside. 

     "Oh, that's right." Jet said looking around nervously. 

     "Someone stalking you _old man_?" I asked as he backed out of the kitchen not giving an explanation as to why, probably didn't have a gift for his fro boy friend. I shrugged it off and started to clean up the mess that Ed and I had made in our attempts to make Spike a cake. I swept the flour into a garbage bag as Ed danced around the couch in the living room singing happy birthday to no one in particular. 

     '_**SPLOP**_!' 

     I spun around staring at the oven as the small window to look inside was splattered with cake. I felt my eye twitch slightly staring at the oven. 

     '_Uh oh._' I stepped towards the oven cautiously; afraid that something else might explode if I moved to quickly for the temperamental cooking gods who seemed hated me. I gripped the bar to open the small door and threw it open. Bad move. A large air bubble that hadn't popped yet decided it was a nice time to explode just as I opened the door. Half-baked cake batter erupted and splattered my face coating my violet locks. 

     "**ED**!! Did you put _anything not_ on my list in here?!?" I screamed wiping batter from my face. I heard the girl scamper out of the living room and into the kitchen on all fours followed by the mutt. Ed grinned and giggled up at me as I pulled the messy pan out of the oven. 

     "Baking soda and vin-vinegar." Ed said happily. 

     "Ed, are you **fucking CRAZY**?" I screamed whirling on her. I grabbed her shoulders looking her in the eye as batter fell from my face to the floor in a puddle. 

     "Faye shut-" My head snapped hearing that voice. He paused staring at my face. "What's going on?" He asked leaning against the doorframe folding his arms across his chest. I let go of Ed as she ran off with the dog somehow sensing that it was time to leave. I stood up to my full height and stared at him. I curled my caked fingers around the hem of my short shorts trying to bite back the urge to simply reach out and touch his sweat drenched exposed skin. He had been up, probably working out in his room again. For some reason my mouth went dry at the sight of him. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I spoke. 

     "I-I was gonna bake a cake for your birthday, but then-" He cut me off harshly. 

     "**What gives you that right**?" His voice as so sharp, he had moved from the doorframe and was now standing before me. Close, close wasn't allowed. I could see every bead of sweat that still clung to the hard lines of his chin. I stared into his eyes confused, my eyebrows knit together. In those auburn depths I saw a strange emotion, ache and pain. It must have been his past that was paining him so. 

     "What?" I spat, my voice indignant, not really giving a damn about his stupid lingering past. 

     "**What gives you that right, Faye**!?" His voice was a dangerous tenor. I didn't understand what the problem was. My mouth fell open as I started to stammer; he was quite intimidating when he wanted to be. 

     "I was just trying to be _nice_, Spike!" I yelled pushing him away to take a shower. I didn't look back. I knew he was watching me walk away. 

** *Shower* **

     Heavenly burning hot droplets of water pounded against my back as I stood there letting the shampoo rinse out of my hair. 

     '_What is his problem? I was just trying to be nice, that's all. I didn't want anything from him._' I bit my lip, that was a lie. I wanted everything from him, and only a few of the things I wanted pertained to the physical world, the rest emotions. '_Well I didn't expect anything from him because I baked a cake._' I sighed, spiting water that had fallen in my mouth out. 

     '_Now what can I give him for his birthday, other then a screaming match._' I closed my eyes rubbing the back of my neck before turning around to turn the shower off. I stepped out of the shower as the steam fogged up the mirror above the sink. I wrapped a clean towel around my body still thinking. '_I don't have anything he would want._' 

     I walked out of the bathroom and turned down the hall to my room. Passing by the living room and saw the lanky man laying stretched out on the disgusting yellow couch sound asleep. I shook my head as I reached my room. I got dressed in my non-cake-ruined clothing, a white tank top and a pair of tight jeans. My headband lay forgotten on my bed; I had decided a change might be nice, at least for today. The droplets of water that still clung to my hair began to drip onto my pillow as I laid back on my bed. I sat there for several hours thinking of what I could do. 

     Then it came to me. I jumped out of bed and ran to the small mirror in my room checking my reflection before calmly walking out. He was still there; awake now watching 'Big Shot.' Jet was in the kitchen cleaning out the oven as Ed kept asking him the same question over and over again. I walked up to the lanky cowboy. His legs were stretched out on the coffee table in front of the moldy yellow thing we nicknamed a couch. I kicked his legs off the table and grabbed his forearm. 

     "Come on cowboy. We're gonna go get drinks, _my treat_." I guess he thought this was my way of apologizing, I guess it was in some ways, but I didn't know what I was apologizing for. He stood up freely wriggling his forearm out of my lose grip. 

     "Jet! Faye and I are gonna go get drunk and fuck our brains out, okay!" Spike yelled sarcastically as I walked into the hanger with the smallest of blushes burning my cheeks. I heard Jet's reply of, "Funny Spike, _funny_." 

** *Hole In The Wall Bar* **

     Lime, salt and prime Tequila shots. I sat at the bar on a very uncomfortable stool squeezing limejuice on the side of my hand before dipping it in the salt. I liked the mixture and downed the shot slamming the glass on the bar counter. Spike watched mimicking my movements. I was on my fifth shot and the birthday boy was on his seventh. 

     The liquor was starting to take effect, Spike became more open and I was giggling at almost everything he said. That was until he paused after his eight shot. 

     "She never did anything like that." I bit my lip knowing I should not laugh now. I looked at his salt swollen lips as he spoke. "The thought to make a cake probably never crossed her mind……" My heart cried out in pain as I sat there watching. I couldn't do anything, touching was not allowed; at least touching Spike Spiegel was not allowed. I watched him swallow another shot of Tequila. 

     "I-I'm so-" I began but he cut me off in a whisper. 

     "Don't be, you're right you were just trying to be nice." His eyes were mesmerizing. He grinned widely. He leaned in close to me. "I mean, I guess, that maybe I was just so surprised that Romani would bake me a cake." 

     "Shut up." I said playfully with a slur shoving him back slightly. 

     He was too close. I thought that wasn't permitted. 

     I could feel his warm breath against my skin. I picked up a lime and rubbed the juice on my finger before rolling it in salt. I brought it to my mouth but his hand grabbed mine before I could. 

     The next thing that happened will never leave my memory, no matter how drunk I was. He took my finger into his hot mouth. His eyes never left mine, an unbreakable gaze. It was the most incredible feeling; his tongue whirled around my finger licking off all the lime salt it could find. His lips were so soft, I hadn't expected that. He sucked my finger gently as he pulled it out of his wet mouth biting and nibbling the tip lightly. 

     "Spike……." 

     I watched as he took another shot. A wicked grin spread across my lips as I finished my sixth shot. He rubbed the lucky lime on his hand and sprinkled salt on the juice. He brought his hand to his mouth and licked it off in one seductive movement. He brought the shot glass to his thin lips as he poured it in his mouth. Before he could swallow the Tequila my swollen lips were pressed to his thin lips, I wanted that liquor, I was paying for it after all. 

     The burning alcohol was quickly passed into my mouth as he let it flow down my throat. Some of the liquor trailing down the sides of my mouth as I felt his greedy tongue wanting something in return for the Tequila. I giggled against his lips as a bead of the liquid slowly dripped down his chin and fell to the floor. His body gave the slightest shudder as I wiped the alcohol from his chin and sucked it off my thumb. 

     "Faye." He grinned in his drunken way; the liquor was defiantly flowing through his veins now. I nodded cocking an eyebrow as a twisted smile spread across my face. 

     "Yes, _old man_?" I asked as he glared at me, well attempted to but only ended up screwing up his drunken grin. He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the barstool, his body was so warm. 

     "Come on, Faye." He whispered in a husky voice. His breathe tickling the back of my ear as he pulled me out of the bar. 

** *Shitty Motel Room* **

     I was slammed against the wall of the motel room, the light switch jabbing me in the back. I didn't care. The wallpaper was pealing all over the place. The bed didn't look too comfortable, more like some death rack they used to torture people with. The light was broken. But none of these things mattered. Spike pressed me harder against the wall as the world spun in and out of focus, I didn't know if it was Spike or the Tequila. 

     His lips were pressed against the pale skin of my neck as he ran his hand along the waist of my low jeans. His fingertips brushed against the soft skin of my stomach as he worked on unbuttoning my pants. I pulled at his tie with both hands as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pulled his body away from me but kept his lips on mine as he took of his jacket. 

     His auburn eyes burned into mine, they were two different colors. I brought my hand to his cheek. 

     "Your eyes are different colors." He closed them, hiding the false eye and true eye behind his eyelids. He turned his face and kissed my hand before trailing kisses down my arm and up my neck back to my swollen lips. He bit at my bottom lip as I moaned involuntarily. I ran my hands down his broad shoulders, down his arms that were supporting me against his body and the wall. 

     "Happy Birthday cowboy." 

     He knew I gave him the greatest present I could give him………that is, I gave him the best gift I could with out admitting my true feelings. 

     He'd be gone in the morning, pretending as if everything never happened……….like _last time_…… 

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AN: I hope ya liked it, kinda uhhh well hmmm at the end…….still kinda antsy bout writing that stuff oh well. Please tell me what ya think. I'm sorry I didn't get this up on his actual b-day but I didn't start writing until like 10:00 or whatever and I talked on the phone until 12:00 so I wasn't really paying attention…….I'll shut up now. Hey if ya liked this and you wanna read sumpin' better then this read my other fic Say My Name!!! I'll love ya forever! (guess I didn't shut up)Bye now! 

** Finished: June 27 2003 2:10am **


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